DARK DREAMS IN A DARK TIME

I haven't written for this blog since last March, 2025. In late February our dear friend and bandmate was gravely ill and in hospital for a couple months; we thought we'd lost him, but he made it! Then in April I spent some time in the hospital for (now resolved) blood pressure issues. Then hip surgery in July which took way too long to recover from. All good now . . .

But the overriding thing is this: I don't know about you, but it sure feels to me that the general vibe in our country has gotten more and more distressing, especially since the beginning of 2025. Michael and I try to carry on with our work – music & art – and stay as positive as we can. But very early this morning, I was visited by two dreams, one right after the other, and that's what I'm going to share.

In the first dream, I heard footsteps on our wooden front porch and I went to see who it was. I opened the front door to find a middle aged guy standing there. His tee shirt clad belly hung over his baggy jeans. He had a faded flannel shirt over the tee. Scruffy reddish hair matched his equally scruffy beard. He began speaking, and I could hear him speaking but either I couldn't make out specific words, or I don't remember them. Or perhaps I don't want to remember them. At any rate, it was clear that he was threatening me and it was because I am a liberal. I told him to leave. He kept talking. At some point I'd gotten a small hand gun, and I was holding it behind my back, not meaning to escalate the situation, yet wanting to feel protected. As he kept talking I found my phone on the fireplace mantle and called the police. They said they'd send a patrol car right away.

The guy reached for the handle of the storm door and I tried to lock it but I didn't succeed. He got into our living room, and sat down in my grandma's Eastlake rocking chair. He sat there as if he owned it. Sometimes there seemed to be someone with him: a skinny youngish woman with disheveled hair and dirty clothes. She would appear and then fade out and then reappear. She sat on the couch with a maniacal look on her face. He kept talking and I kept telling him to leave.

I was still standing by the door, when I saw what I believed was an unmarked police car drive past my house – the driver looked toward the house, and then just drove slowly by.

Then somehow we were in the front yard (maybe I'd gone out to wave down the police?) I was standing in the yard to the west of our sidewalk. The guy was walking around trying to menace me. I pulled the gun out and pointed it at him. He backed away and started up the porch steps, as if to get back into the house. He was only about 10 feet away from me, and I knew that a .32 caliber would seriously hurt him if I hit him, but I pulled the trigger anyway. He stopped on the porch, but what came out of the gun was not a bullet, but a huge cloud of silvery, sparkly dust.

I woke myself up and looked for my phone. It was about 1:30 a.m. Somehow I went back to sleep.

In the second dream, I was in the basement of our house. The basement windows had flimsy curtains, and through them I could see the legs of a number of men. I saw these men through a couple different basement windows; like they were gathered around a corner of the house. They had matching clothing; black pants and jackets and red shirts. They looked fairly young and rather stylish. They were talking about breaking into our house.

I knew everything upstairs was locked, so I ran up the basement stair to try to see what they were doing. They'd gathered in a driveway next to the house, and then walked back to a detached garage. (this part was more like the configuration of the house where my family lived in the 1970s – not like our current house.) I watched them disappear into the garage, which I realized was their hideout or clubhouse. I peeked inside, and could not see them, but a disheveled guy lumbered out of the garage. He was not dressed like them, so I asked if he knew what they were up to. He told me that we'd never know when it would happen, but they will get into our house and take our things.

When I woke up I was full of adrenaline and terrified and still partly in the grip of the dream. Besides the threat of violation of our home, I thought about what thieves might take, and I started to freak out about losing our musical instruments – without which we would not be able to work. Then I thought about a few pieces of jewelry I have from my mom and my grandmother, which are dear to me and irreplaceable.

I got out of bed and stood still, listening for any sound of some intruder outside. I took a few steps and looked into the living room (where we keep a small light on). Nothing there. I looked into the dining room and to the window where we keep a battery powered candle lit – our “hope for democracy” candle. I went to the kitchen for a glass of water, and then got back into bed. It was a long time before I could go back to sleep.

I will not forgive those who are stealing my peace. OUR peace. Peace of mind. No matter how scary it gets, we absolutely must keep defying them.