Dear Dogie,
Now that I'm writing my third email to you, I thought I might use a less formal name to address you, since we're getting to know one another. Because by now you've got all my personal info. And instead of listing five things I did last week, I'd like to change it up and list five things I didn't do.
HOUSECLEANING: I didn't clean a single thing around the house last week. Oh, I washed the dishes, but that's just a task we do because we need a clean plate for dinner. Why should I clean the house? Days after I vacuum or dust, there's just more dirt on the floor and dust on the tables. And those spiderwebs up near the ceiling in the living room . . . spiders need somewhere to live don't they? And the other day, I noticed a stink bug wiggling around, entangled in one of the webs so I thought, what the hey – spider's gotta eat.
CONTACTING MY REPRESENTATIVES IN CONGRESS: I live in Ohio. This is a no-brainer. My Representative is Turner and my Senators are Moreno and Husted. None of them will seriously listen to me about my concerns. Ever. So last week I did not contact them in any way. And as for the State government, Ohio is so gerrymandered that, unless some miracle happens, it's not likely we will ever get reasonable, intelligent people in State government or the Governor's mansion. So I'll save my time and energy for working on my next novel, writing songs, and practicing guitar. And maybe I'll spend some time trying to conjure a miracle.
ADDRESS TO CONGRESS: My husband and I learned from past experience that it would be a waste of our time our time to watch tRump address Congress, so that's another thing I did not do last week. My husband would just sit in front of the tv and seethe, which is bad for his heart. And I would yell at the tv between trips to the kitchen for more vodka, which would be bad for both my heart and my liver. After hearing from those intrepid folks who did watch all 99 minutes, I know we didn't miss anything of substance, because there was no substance. This morning I'm wondering how this allegedly brilliant businessman/politician doesn't get that there is no Federal funding going to transgender mice, because there are no transgender mice: research is being done with transgenic mice. Transgenic, you idiots.
DIDN'T GET DEPRESSED: Even with all the cruel and crazy stuff going on all around us, I refused to get depressed this week. Staying sane and relatively calm took some effort, but I refuse to let the chaos get to me. So, I reached out to friends to wish a happy birthday, or just to say “hello, I miss you.” I figure the bad guy meanies want us to feel sad or angry or helpless or hopeless because then we're easier to control, and last week I refused.
THAT'S ALL: I think this will be my last email to you, Dogies. I'm calling bullshit on the whole thing.
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